Eat You Up

Last night I had two nightmares wherein my children were eating me alive.

Subconscious much?

The first dream was more like a movie, and I was watching a dad realize that his children had turned into flesh eating monsters, and he was struggling to escape from the house. The children were relentless, crashing through doors, breaking through windows, coming on despite the violence they were met with. He finally did get out — and set the house of fire to boot — but then, somehow, he ended up getting dragged back in and consumed in the flames.

In the second dream, I was the one being chased and consumed. I did not set fire to the house, but only because I didn’t get the opportunity.

What was most distressing to me is the lengths to which we went through to get away from the children. Kicking, hitting with lengths of wood (don’t ask me where the wood came from), slamming doors, setting fire to the house.

Not that I would do any of those things to my children, but it makes abundantly clear to me that I need a break. A space of time free of my children.

It’s the relentless logistics of the care (and I’ve written about this before): the feeding, the bathing, the dressing, the putting to bed, the potty training, the brushing of teeth, the putting to bed, again.

I love my children, and I would throw myself in front of a train for them. (Why? Why this metaphor?)

But momma’s feeling a little worn out.

5 thoughts on “Eat You Up

  1. You can’t fool your inner self… it always knows. You need a break once in a while.

    Sounds like one of those dreams where you wake up, sit up, and go, “what the hell was THAT?”

    I had one like that about 15 years ago that still creeps me out… I was beating my brother to death with a baseball bat. Woke and was all, “WTF??”
    (I had no conflict w/ said brother… we lived about 600 miles apart and I enjoyed our brief times together.)

    Took a long time to go back to sleep that night, I tell you.

    • I’ve always had a pretty vivid dream life, and so I’ve worked very hard to figure out what I was really dreaming about. Loud angry fights with my husband when consciously everything seemed fine? We must be angry about something; let’s go get a coffee and talk. Dreams about losing my children (like in a mall or something, not death)? Must mean it’s time for me to sit down and play a board game or do some arts and crafts with my girls.

      Last night’s dreams were scary because while I’ve been feeling like I need a break, I didn’t realize quite how deep the need is going. I’m not really sure what I’m going to do to solve this right now, either.

  2. Careful, in your next dream, they might be throwin’ momma from that train you’re willing to put yourself in front of! (Love Billy Crystal.) Hope you get some downtime this weekend. Lord knows we all need it from time to time, and sometimes it takes our subconscious telling us just how much.

    • I sincerely didn’t think it was going to happen this weekend.

      And then my Ils said they would take the girls over night tonight and Saturday. Holy cats! I think they’ve saved me… Or at least my unconscious.

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