I May Have to Cancel My Subscription

Flora has become fascinated by my Rolling Stones magazines. Interestingly, many of the covers lately have been of half-naked men (John Mayer, Li’l Wayne, and Sean White). The others have been a stark YOU IDIOTS in red on a black field; Jimi Hendrix; and Clapton and Beck (Jeff, not Hansen) (thankfully, neither of them shirtless).

She had a few questions, leading them: “Are these people dead?”

Um, no. Well, he is (pointing to Hendrix). He was a great rock’n’roll guitarist. He set the bar for guitar playing, actually.

“Is that why he died?”

Er, no. He died because he took too many illegal drugs.

“What are illegal drugs?”

Drugs you don’t get from your doctor.

“What about these other people?”

He (Mayer) wrote that song you like, “Waiting on the World to Change”. (But he’s a douchebag, so I’m feeling ambivalent about being a fan as of late.)
He (Li’l Wayne) is a rapper, and he’s going to jail for doing something illegal.

“What’s illegal?”

Against the law.

“What’s law?”

Rules the government has.

He (White) is an Olympic-medal snowboarder.

“Cool… What’s Olympic? What’s snowboarding?”

The explanation to this was a bit long, and involved a Curious George book. But she knows what snow-boarding is now. I think she’s still a little iffy on the Olympics. (I’m sorry, we didn’t watch them ’round the clock around here. The hockey gold-medal round was about it.)

I’m really not looking forward to the cover I get with a half-naked woman on it. That’s going to be a tough one. Because I’m pretty sure once I explain who she is (for example, Lady Gaga), I’m going to have to explain why she’s not wearing any clothes.