Poop Problems, Continued

My younger daughter’s clothes come home from daycare tucked into ziploc baggies. She is back in pull-ups, sometimes in a diaper.

I am discouraged.

The doctor says she is fine, no motor problems. We know that she can poop on the potty; we don’t know why she’s not.

Control. Attention. Motivation (lack thereof).

The doctor says pull back, all the way back. Don’t talk about the potty. Let her poop and pee where she likes (keep her in the pull-ups or diapers). Give her a week, a month. She’s 3; she’s done it before; she’s decide to do it again.

I am fine with this advice. I am tired of the constant monitoring, the constant asking, being told no, the accidents, cleaning pee off the rug and poop out of underpants.

Dan does not like this advice. He wants us to press on, to find the thing that motivates her.

I am afraid if we keep pushing, she will keep pushing back.

Daycare is of like mind with Dan. Kate is on the path to potty training — for six weeks or so, she was proudly, successfully, willingly, cheerfully using the potty.

And then she stopped.

Not coincidentally, it happened about the same time that we told the kids I was having another baby.

Kate can’t control that I am having another baby. She can’t control that I am more tired, and less absent a mommy than usual. She can’t control that in the “big kids” room, she is one of the youngest of the big kids, and sometimes her big sister doesn’t want to play with her.

She can control whether or not she is going to cooperate. She can control (to a certain extent) where she poops.

Dan and I are at a loss, and are trying to find a strategy that we can agree on.

I am tired.

Regression

Kate is having accidents.

And I don’t just mean of the bruise-her-up variety. Although, seriously, the way that child runs face first into things, it’s a wonder CYS hasn’t come a-calling.

She is peeing in her pants. She is pooping in her pants at daycare.

I haven’t the faintest idea what to do.

And my short fuse and fatigue are not lending themselves to cool-headed reactions to my daughter standing in the kitchen and peeing in her shorts right in front of me, ten minutes after I asked her if she needed to go to the potty.

As you can probably imagine.

Dan seems to be dealing with the issue much, much better than I. On Sunday, after Kate peed in the kitchen (hey, at least it was on linoleum), I walked out of the room crying (I’m so level-headed this pregnancy!), and Dan calmly took Kate upstairs, got her cleaned up, talked to her about peeing her pants, told her she would not be able to get a fish (our prize for good behavior in general, lately), and had her apologize to me. In the meantime, I mopped up the kitchen floor. Inwardly seething.

This all started a few weeks back. When she complained about her bum itching and her poop hurting we put her back on Miralax. That seemed to help — at least she wasn’t resisting the urge to poop anymore.

I don’t know the circumstances regarding her accidents at daycare, if she’s refusing or declining to use the potty (as she is at home); if she’s just so occupied with playing she is ignoring her need to go; if there’s a fundamental step between learning to go on the potty and actually stopping what you are doing to USE the potty that Kate’s just not grasping yet.

Ideas? Advice? Whether for Kate or for me (to keep my cool). All is welcome.

Edited to add: She has the ladies at daycare flummoxed too. She was doing so well! She’s going to get sent back down to the minors (i.e. the Baby Room) to see if that will motivate her to success again.

I suspect: change in routine — my schedule has been all over the place lately; attention-seeking behavior (duh); the fact that she is put out by my continuing fatigue and other pregnancy-related difficulties that make me a more absent momma. But I still don’t know what to do.