My Little Philosopher

My husband called to report this morning’s conversation on the way to day school:

Monkey: Who made the world?
DearDR: God did.
M: Who made the world with god?
DDR: No one. God made it all by god’s self.
M: We’re nice people. Did god make nice people?
DDR: Yes.
M: Did god make bad people?
DDR: [pause]
M: Daddy! Did god make bad people?
DDR: I don’t know.
M: Bad people are just pretend.
DDR: No, bad people are real.
M: Why are people bad?
DDR: Bad people are people who choose to do bad things. And good people are people who choose to do good things.

He didn’t report Monkey’s response to that. It seems the concept of free will is pretty heavy for 4-and-a-half-year-olds.

This is the type of conversation that gets parents asking, “Where do kids come up with this stuff?”

But I think I know exactly where Monkey came up with this one: The Backyardigans Super Secret Super Spy. Uniqua plays the “evil” character Lady in Pink. (Classic lines: Pablo as Agent Secret, on The Lady in Pink’s Tickle Chair: “Do you expect me to talk?” Uniqua: “No, Agent Secret. I expect you to laugh.”) I surmise this because here’s the conversation I had with Monkey last night as we were noshing on some cherries:

M: (singing) I’m the Lady in Pink! Me, me, me, me, me!
RPM: You’re the lady in orange, actually.
M: (singing) I’m the Lady in Orange! Me, me, me, me, me!… I’m going to be evil.
RPM: Oh no you’re not.
M: It’s okay to be evil.
RPM: (rather shocked) It’s not okay to be evil!
M: Oh.

And where would she get the idea it’s okay to be evil? Aside from the Backyardigans, of course.

When we played superheroes, when I was a kid, I always wanted to be Catwoman. Maybe it’s genetic.

Sensitivity Training

Monkey had made me a Mother’s Day gift at school, but then she mixed it up with a classmate’s gift. It wasn’t until Tuesday that I got hers. It was a picture of her in a frame that she decorated, plus a little paragraph about me that she filled in (kind of like Mad Libs for preschoolers). Here’s Monkey’s:

“My mother’s first name is D. She has black hair and green eyes. She is 40 years old. Her favorite food is broccoli. Her favorite thing to do is work. I love my mommy because she is my mommy.”

She got my name and eye color correct. I like me some broccoli, but my favorite food is anything I don’t have to cook myself. I was a little outraged about my age — a few weeks ago she told me she thought I was 17 years old. I told her my correct age (38), and she said casually, “Well, that’s still old.” Thanks, Monkey.

The “favorite thing” answer simply broke my heart. “Oh, Monkey,” I said, “my favorite thing to do is spend time with you and Bun and daddy. I just have to work.”

“I’m sorry I wrote down the wrong thing,” she said.

“Oh, baby, that’s okay. I just want you to know that I love spending time with you guys more than anything else in the world.”

Yesterday as we were walking out of a Target restroom, another woman was coming in. Since I had one of those huge carts, where the kids sit in the big red seats facing forward — the minivan of shopping carts — I let her by.

As we were going out the door, Monkey said thoughtfully, “I’ve never seen a woman so…” she searched for the word… “puffy.”

Admittedly the woman was overweight. And I don’t think she heard, us as we were already out of the door. But I leaned close to Monkey and said quietly, “We don’t talk about how people look. That’s not very nice.”

Monkey seemed unperturbed. I hope I did the right thing. Would you have said anything?

Top Ten Things That Come Out of Bun’s Mouth

(Besides drool. Does anyone else have — or has anyone else had — a 2-year-old that still runs like a faucet?)

(Translations and commentary in parenthesis.)

10. No! (Of course. She’s 2.)
9. Foe-wa/Da Da. (Whomever she is not in the room with.)
8. Wittle moe. (A little more, usually relating to food. And she usually doesn’t mean a just little more.)
7. Pease! (Please. After prompting.)
6. Come on. (Usually said while pulling one forcefully by the hand. She’s bossy, this one.)
5. Lyook! (Look!)
4. I yont ylike it. (I don’t like it. I don’t know who taught her to say this, but I yont ylike it, either.)
3. Dop it! (Stop it! Usually said with hands on hips.)
2. TV! (I’m a little concerned about this one. Although she clearly has preferences, and voices those too: “1-2-FREE — the doggie one“, “Wild tings” [Where the Wild Things Are], “Rocket” [Little Einsteins].)

(Before we get to the number one thing that comes out of Bun’s mouth, let me just say that usually it comes out in the church parking lot of Monkey’s daycare, where they have a large one that bongs out the hours. She says it loudly, over and over again.)

The Number One Thing that Comes out of Bun’s Mouth:
1. (Clock! Only she can’t say the ‘l’ very clearly yet. So it’s) : C*ock!