I didn’t marry my best friend.
I married this guy.
Marrying Dan was the best decision I have ever made. He is the best partner I could ask for, a solid teammate.
I was recently discussing marriage with a woman who has been married three years. I mentioned that my 13th wedding anniversary was coming up.
“Wow. Thirteen.” She laughed and said, “Got any advice?”
Poor girl, I did.
“Talk,” I told her. “Talk, talk, talk. Talk even when you don’t want to. Talk even when it’s going to make you cry, when it’s going to make you angry. You’re allowed to take breaks, and you’re allowed to go to bed upset. But keep talking anyway.”
The three most important things in my marriage — I can’t presume to speak for all marriages, so I won’t, although this is advice I’ll probably pass down to my children eventually — communication, humor, and sex. Without those three things, I don’t know how our relationship would survive.
Dan and I love to make each other laugh. The important thing about humor and laughter in our partnership is that is doesn’t come at the other’s expense. We really do laugh with each other, not at each other. (Well, okay, sometimes we laugh at each other, because sometimes we’re idiots. But it’s all in good fun, and never mean-spirited.)
And sex. I mean, I don’t know what to say about this without being TMI. We make time for it. There’s a lot of give and take, and a lot of communication about this.
And after 13 years, and four children, and amidst the work of raising three children plus our careers, it is better than ever.
One thing that was vital to us from the get-go was that we be married and partners even after we had children. Even once we became parents, we needed to take time to reconnect with each other. We have dates. And, we have a bedroom door with a lock (very important if you are going to have a sex life. Children get impatient and have terrible boundaries).
Dan is my favorite person. I’m so happy when he gets home at the end of his day. I love having a family with him, and I love when it’s just he and I out to dinner or at a concert, or catching a cocktail on the couch after a long week.
I’m so lucky.
Happy Anniversary, Dan. I love you.
“With this ring, I thee wed;
with my body, I thee worship;
and with all my worldly goods, I thee bestow.”