Memory Lane: 1994

So, SPIN Magazine released its list of the 100 Best Alt-Rock Songs of 1994, and I basically fell down a rabbit hole. This is the soundtrack to my 23rd year.

I was a hot mess, but damn, the music was fantastic.

A few of these songs remind me of a short-lived abusive relationship I was in with a drug addict (short-lived because he was an abusive drug addict, der). See: Suede; Smashing Pumpkins.

A number of these songs remind me of The Ex, a man I would spend the next four years with, give or take a few months in the middle there. (We were on a break!) See: Liz Phair, “Supernova”; Guided by Voices, “I am a Scientist”; Pearl Jam, “Better Man”.

But most of these songs remind me of being single and feeling fierce, which is how I spent most of 1994. I had a pierced lip and a tattoo, and I was Gen X to a T — a pot-smoking, aimless slacker living on my own. I had a job and was freelance writing, and spent most of my money on rent and beer at Dee’s Cafe on the South Side.

I don’t remember “Possum Kingdom” being so rapey. I do remember Urge Overkill’s version of “Girl, You’ll be a Woman Soon” being *exactly* that creepy, though.

The most nostalgic songs for me: “Something’s Always Wrong”, Toad the Wet Sprocket; “Gee Angel”, Sugar.

And talk about women in music: L7, Lisa Loeb, Hole, Breeders, the aforementioned Liz Phair, Bjork, Luscious Jackson. LUSCIOUS JACKSON! Lots more. And I remember every single word to “Seether” by Veruca Salt.

And now for a video.

I thought about posting the video for “Gentleman” by Afghan Whigs, but, two things: 1. I didn’t listen to the Afghan Whigs in 1994. They are a new obsession. 2. If I watch a 28-year-old Greg Dulli in this video one more fucking time, I’m going to turn into a puddle of quivering jelly.

I limited myself to the Top 10 songs, and I still have to post two. Point and counter point as it were.

1994 was the year Kurt Cobain put a bullet in his brain. “No Apologies” from Nirvana, from MTV Unplugged Nirvana, is a fitting elegy.

On the flip side, we have Courtney Love of Hole howling into the void with “Miss World”.

If you don’t feel like flipping through the slideshow at SPIN,¬†here’s the link to the Spotify playlist.

What were you listening to in 1994?

Premature Worry

Michael talks all the time.

In the evenings, M will not sit. He wanders — bounces — around the kitchen until everyone else is sitting at the table. During nighttime show, he plays with cars. Sometimes very loudly. Or jumps off the arm of the couch. Or just hurls himself into a pile of pillows. Over and over. And over again.

In other words, he is, as far as activity goes, All Boy.

I admit, the talking thing took me off guard. I thought: boy + 2 older sisters = talking by the time he was 3, maybe. Plus, with the ear infections, I figured a speech delay was a given.

Not so much.

I am starting to wonder how we are going to get through evenings. M will not go outside when I ask him to.

He really needs to run around outside.

I’m starting to worry about how we’re going to do when the cold sets in.

I’m starting to wonder how he is going to do in preschool.

What’s really a problem, I’m starting to wonder how he will do beyond preschool. Which makes no sense. There’s no way of telling. He may do fine in a group of kids who are sitting still. He does okay at dinner when we all sit at the same time.

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I’m sure I’m just spinning in my own head. I wish the children had their own space, but finishing the basement is in indefinite limbo.

I’m just looking for problems for some reason. I just think of me, and three children, in not very many rooms, for nine months.

I’m just worrying.

What are you worried about?

What, me worry?
What, me worry?