Please, Wear Clothes That Fit

I was going to direct this toward teenage girls (based on what I saw in church yesterday), but I decided to mention guys upfront first so I am not attacked as a bitter old woman who just hates the hot young things running around in short shorts.

It is summer time, and that means the clothes are coming off. Which, fine. I don’t mind a nice piece of eye candy (see: Magic Mike with Channing Tatum).

Guys, most of you are not eye candy. I’m sorry to break it to you. At the pool side, beach, or water park, little clothing is acceptable. But if you think you’re turning on your neighbor by mowing the lawn without a shirt, I have some bad news for you. For the most part, you’ve got a beer belly and/or back hair. Your girlfriend or wife has to live with that. The rest of the world doesn’t.

Teenage girls of the world: At the risk of sounding like my own mother: are you really going out like that?

I understand the need to fit in by being fashionable and wearing the latest trends. However, you can be fashionable without having to pick your shorts out of your butt cracks or, uh, other nether crevices. Clothes that are too small and too tight ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE. Teenage boys (and some grown men) may try to convince you otherwise, but please trust me: a little mystery is attractive. A woman who can move comfortably in her clothing without picking at various parts of the fabric will get more positive attention than a chick spilling out everywhere.

Don’t get me wrong, spilling out of your top or bottom will get you attention. However, bulging out of your shorts and/or tank tops reduces you to your lumps. You are more than your lumps.

You can find short shorts that actually fit. Unless you can’t, in which case think about skirts, walking shorts, or another trend that is good for your body type. NOT EVERYONE CAN WEAR THE SAME CLOTHES and that is okay. While fitted t-shirts can look nicer than strappy tank tops, be aware of how fitted they are.

Also, learn how to buy bras that fit — adult women, you can benefit from this too. A bra that leads to bulging around the straps is too small. If, when you remove your bra at the end of the day, you have deep red grooves on your torso or your shoulders, you should think about scheduling a professional bra fitting. Your back will thank you.

Lastly: Flip-flops are not the only option for summer footwear.

Parents: Teach your children to dress. I’m not saying that kids should walk around in ankle-length skirts with high necklines, or boys should only wear khaki pants with button up shirts. Shop with them. Especially your daughters. Yes, once they are teenagers, they are going to wear what they want, and they are going to flout all your rules. But if you teach them that it’s possible to be stylish without being uncomfortable all the time, they will thank you later.

Of course, this is all coming from a 40-something who wears green or purple skinny jeans when the mood strikes. Mileage may vary.

What fashion trend do you wish would die?