(Dad, this one may make you uncomfortable. Read at your own risk.)

I’ve always had a pretty high libido — no, let me rephrase that: When Dan and I got married, I had a very high libido. I had an enjoyment of and appreciation for good sex. Dan and I were well matched in this area (as well as in most other areas, for the record).

Then, of course, came four pregnancies, three live children, and, you know, nearly 11 years.

My libido dropped, and in some months (years?), disappeared down the rabbit hole nearly entirely. This was a bummer for Dan, who instead of an enthusiastic bed partner, got a dutiful one.

Since about March or April this year, I have noticed an appreciable spike in my libido. Which in some ways is delightful, although it does occasionally warrant extra cautious measures so as not to displace Michael as the baby of the family. I am excited to have my libido come roaring back (and, yes, so is my husband).

Dan and I practice NFP (natural family planning — NOT the rhythm method), and it’s kind of a drag. Plus my charting has really gone to pot, and I need to up my game there — I downloaded an app to my phone (oh yes I did), and that should help. We briefly discussed a copper IUD, and I may still have that conversation with my midwife, but for now NFP is it. (Permanent sterilization was not on the table, for either of us, which has some to do with our Catholicism and a lot to do with REALLY SHARP OBJECTS near our parts.)

I hate the stereotype of the married couple who don’t have sex; I hate even more the stereotype of the horny father and the sexually unavailable mother. I understand (now) the physiological reasons for the latter, but eventually reestablishing sexual intimacy should be viewed as a given. And for that matter, something to look forward to.

I sometimes wonder about the reasons for my elevated sexual interest. Is it a function of a biological clock? In which case, poor clock. Your imperative has been fulfilled three (almost four) times over. Is it a function of more sleep? More independent children? A renewed ability to focus on self? A continued desire for all levels of intimacy with my husband? All of the above?

Is this type of surge common to 40somethings? Or if not age-related, could it be related to reclaiming of the body for something other than reproduction? If a woman has several pregnancies in her 20s, when her last baby reaches a certain age, does she look around (presumably in this scenario at her husband) and think, “I gotta start hitting that more often?”

I know. Lots of questions, and probably everyone’s answers are different.

Being this horny (again) is distracting. In a good way, but still. And even when my libido wasn’t raging, Dan and I managed sex (or like activities) about twice a week on average. The thing about sex — if you like it anyway, which I do — is that even when I didn’t start out in the mood, I still often managed to have a pretty good time. Good lube helps, in case you need a #protip.

These days, I have dirty, dirty dreams. I spend too much (?) time fantasizing at my desk and sending my husband suggestive texts. Again, he’s not complaining.

Speaking of texts, I don’t really get sexting — do you just delete the pictures from your phone or camera later? What the sexiest thing to sext? I’m guessing cleavage, which if that’s the case, I should just stick with suggestive texts.

What say you, readers? If you’re in a long-term relationship, what keeps the home fires burning? If you’re a mom or dad, did you have to regain your mojo? How do you manage your sex life? Do you schedule it, or wait for the mood to strike you both? Or do you go along with the partner with the higher libido, compromise? What’s your favorite lube? I’m a fan of the old standby, Astrolube, although Dan and I have experimented with some fun KY combinations. (TMI?)


6 thoughts on “Horndog

  1. All I’m going to say is that a vasectomy was the best kick to our sex life EVER.

    I know that’s not in the cards for you guys. I’m just saying that’s what happened for us. Somehow it took away all the subconscious fear of ending up pregnant when we didn’t want another kid and well, HELLO! 😉

    • Two reasons: 1. I’m not charting well. My temperature taking is inconsistent, like I won’t take it for weeks at a time. 2. I’m feeling lazy. With an IUD I don’t even have to think about my fertility. Neither are GOOD reasons, but they are my reasons. I would like to get better at charting. I wish I could take my temperature without even waking up — that’s why it’s so inconsistent. I hit snooze so often and then I have to bolt out of bed.

  2. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post!!! I’m thinking it may have to do with feeling “yourself” again as the kids become less physically dependent on you; I also think it may have to do with the age thing. I’m in my early forties and I think there’s definitely something hormonal going on.

    On the topic of dirty dreams – I had the dirtiest ever while pregnant. In my dreams I would have sex with anyone – newscasters, co-workers, high school classmates from long ago…. to the point of orgasm in the middle of the night while dreaming. Hormones are a crazy powerful thing and I’m thinking the 40’s might be a great decade for us mamas.

    • I’ve talked to a couple other friends of mine who are in their 40s (one a mom, one not) and they’ve talked about a similar surge in libido. I think the 40s are gonna be fun!

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