Random Thoughts: The Worried Edition

I worry. Right now, I worry most about Flora. She seems to not want to go to school every day. After nearly a week off because of Easter, she asked if she could stay home on Thursday.

I worry that I haven’t had the time to check in with her about what that’s about. I worry about the brown bags under her eyes, and why she doesn’t seem to be sleeping well. I worry that I’m not giving her enough to eat during the day, or that she’s just not eating what I do give her. I worry that our chronically chaotic mornings are part of the problem. I worry about her tendency to fall apart at the smallest thing.

I worry a bit about Michael. I don’t think he’s getting enough sleep during the day. He barely lasts until 7 p.m. during the week, and he is a clingy mess starting about 6:30 p.m. He gets a lot of calming baths. I worry about the fact that I haven’t started weaning him from his evening bottle.

While I could come up with something to worry about with Kate, the fact that I can’t think of something off the top of my head is actually very reassuring.

Will I always take turns worrying about the kids? Will Kate be my primary worry next week, next year? How do I deal with this? Do I just take it one kid at a time? How can I sit down one-on-one with Flora to talk about what she needs from me, especially when I have two other children clamoring at me? (Flora doesn’t clamor, she clams up.)

What do I do?


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7 thoughts on “Random Thoughts: The Worried Edition

  1. So worrying is a bad thing? Well, it is if there is not a thought about how to change the thing that is worrying you. When my oldest was still at home, I worried about trying to keep channels of communication open with him while also dealing with toddlers who are attention hogs. It was tough and he had lots of teen angst. There are still days when I think I totally failed. But the worst failure would have been not trying at all. I am sure you will come up with some great solutions.

  2. I worried about my oldest when she was Flora’s age, and still do. I think Flora and she are a lot alike. I dunno…some children worry you more than others, they just do. It has helped me to understand that this is who she is and it doesn’t mean that I am doing anything wrong. H does not sleep well, has anxious thoughts, gets completely stressed-out at school and I want to change all of that but it is out of my control. I do my best to make home a place of comfort and acceptance. I am sure you do that too so as long as she knows she has a soft place to land, she will be alright. I’d tell you not to worry…but that’s never gonna happen. So worry if you must but please don’t feel guilty (like about the mornings). You are doing a great job!

    • Thank you, cuz. All good points, and things to aim for. I work not to feel guilty — I feel responsible for her anxiety, as that is a trait of mine, for example. I just want to keep the lines open, and, as you said, let her know that she has someone to go to.

  3. Maybe you should take her out for a lunch/shopping date on the weekend where you can have one on one time and talk…and do it for Kate too! I am sure Dear Dr would help you find a way to do this. and make it a regular thing…once a month…to help with those times that they are especially anxious and/or difficult…use it as a reinforcer to help encourage positive behavior and have something for them to look forward to. And write it on the calendar! I agree that she may just need more from you than Kate and Michael right now…BUT that doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong! Remind her that you are available to her if something is really bothering her, and even if you cannot talk to her about it at the exact minute it is bothering her, make an “appointment” for later that day or the next…not long…like ten minutes. For me, scheduling the time is crucial, because otherwise other things will always fill the time.

    And DO NOT worry about weaning off the bottle…at all. it will come. we are so hard on ourselves!

    Do not keep your worries to yourself…ask for help!! (like you have already…don’t forget Dear Dr!) know you are doing the best that you can. You are ONE person…even the most amazing person (which you are!) cannot do everything for everyone.

    Hugs to you and all your family, my dear friend ❤ Don't forget to schedule time for you to take care of yourself!

    • Oh, thank you, friend. I do really need to work on one-on-one time with my girls (for now; M will get his time). I just had a very Kate-centric weekend, and next up will be Flora’s turn. Plus I work to talk to Flora when we drive to or from school — if she’s in the mood, it can be a productive time for us.

      I admit that the bottle thing is as much for me as for M. I love that 10 minutes alone in his room at night. We read a book and sing a lullaby, and snuggle. I don’t know if he’ll take to that without his bottle. But I should at least be trying?

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