I have a coworker whose wife has a rare and hard-to-treat cancer. They have six children.

The most recent baby-loss mama I know lost twins in her 22nd week of pregnancy.

The father of one of Flora’s classmates died suddenly.

And I have a now 7-year-old who wants to know when her roller skating birthday party is. Even though she just had a weekend of parties and and a sleep over with her friends and three separate cakes.

It makes my head a little explodey.

I have to teach my children how to be grateful for the things that they have. I know that it’s hard to grasp that simply having two parents in good health, a roof over their heads, access to private education, and three meals a day (plus snacks) (KNOCK ON WOOD) is more than many other people have. Not just around the world, but even here in the United States. They don’t know different, so of course they take it for granted.

Telling them to be grateful in the abstract isn’t exactly age-appropriate.

So I am embarking on a mission to help my children learn to be grateful. I don’t want to club them over the head, and I don’t want to act like Mother Teresa. (I’m no Mother Teresa.) I also don’t want them to feel pity for those less fortunate than we are. Compassion, sure, I think that can be constructive. But pity isn’t pretty.

Thus far, I’ve got a few ideas:

1. Go through all the toys we own — and I mean all of them. The basement, the toy box and bins, the arts & craps drawer(s). Pare down then donate to the Toy Lending Library and/or Salvation Army. My girls have so much that sometimes they don’t even know what to play with, and the dreaded “I’m bored” comes out of their mouths. Plus, with a birthday just past and Christmas and another birthday coming up, I know the onslaught will continue. I love that my children are loved, it’s just we have so dang much already. I’m advocating for memberships, event tickets, or money, frankly. Not stuff.

2. Ditto with the kids’ books.

3. I picked up a tote bag from DCL that we will fill with items to donate. We were given a very specific list, and maybe by helping me buy and pack these things, my girls will glimpse an understanding of the fact that some people don’t even have soap or shampoo.

4. Point them to this site, and have them come up with a festive mission that we can do over the next few weeks.

5. We will also be donating to @burghbaby’s Christmas Crazy. Just because.

Kate is young for volunteerism, but maybe I can find something for Flora and me to do. We’ll see how these five things go first.

How do you encourage your kids to feel grateful?

5 thoughts on “Ingrate

  1. You know what made the biggest impact on me when I was a kid? Delivering Thanksgiving and Christmas food and presents to area needy families. Our church ran (and still does run) a program to take in donations, make up donation boxes, and distribute those boxes during the holiday season (it now runs year round). Those people that could pick up their stuff could do so at the church but there were many families that couldn’t do that.

    That’s where we came in. We would do delivery runs as a family to bring these people some food to eat and presents for their kids. It was a HUGE eye-opener for me as a kid about the ways in which some people had to live to scrape by. It made much more of an impression than any words from my parents did.

    Which reminds me. I need to do this sort of thing with my kids.

  2. A couple notes:

    1. Toy lending library is no longer taking donations of toys (but thanks for thinking of us!)
    2. How about accepting one of those angel families? I don’t know if they do it in Pgh, but a friend in Boston has an entire family’s xmas list. Silly things like socks, etc.
    3. Going through all of the toys is a great idea, of which I did last night b/c of upcoming birthdays and christmas. If they are in good shape you can sell at Snugglebug and donate the proceeds? I can certainly help with that.
    4. how about volunteering on Thanksgiving morning somewhere? I want to do this once mine are old enough. Since we always go out to a relatives that day, we sit around all morning.
    5. You can mail xmas cards overseas to service members:

  3. 1. Oh, thank you for letting me know. Are you involved with them? Also: bummer!
    2. Our workplace does an angel tree. I have to see what our new church does.
    3. YES PLEASE! Email me details.
    4. If we are going to volunteer, I would like it to be something we get into year round instead of a high-volunteerism time (just made that up) like T-giving or Christmas.
    5. That’s a good idea, too. Arts & crafts project!

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