The Fear Lives in My Dreams

The dreams are not about flying, not exactly.

I am high up in the air, and I can see the ground below me.

I am at the peak, the apex, of my… not-flight. I have been flung up here, thrown up into the sky. I am thrilled — and terrified of the plummet back to earth.

How will I land safely? How do I not break?

And why have I been hurled to this height? Only to have to tumble and survive? Or to just have the thrill — and know I will wake up and everyone will be fine.

I’m in a breathless place, helpless and still hopeful. Arms wide to the sun.

I will be caught and saved. I believe.

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7 thoughts on “The Fear Lives in My Dreams

    • Yes, hot pregnancy dreams are de riguer around here lately, too. One of my friends (who has a boy and a girl) surmises that pregnancy dreams when you are pregnant with a boy are hotter because of “competing hormones”, i.e. testosterone, I suppose. I say, “whatever helps!”

      • I guess that’s another vote for boy, although most online quizzes (science!) have been stumped: I’m carrying low but in the front; I crave sweet and salty. The “trusted” Chinese calendar thing says it’s a boy, too, but it also said my first child was going to be a girl.

        Last night I had a different dream. We’ll call it the pregnant actor’s nightmare. I knew my lines but just as I was going on my water broke. This was particularly nightmarish since the dream was set in the present (although the play was late 1800s). That is, my water broke at 19 weeks. Either I woke up, or I don’t know how it ended.

        Regardless of dreams I have 11 more days until my Level II ultrasound. I’m anxious for another look at the 2nd wungus and, especially, to find out gender!

  1. @KimZ:

    Do you have any feelings one way or the other? I knew (and was right) 3 out of 4 — Kate was a mystery until the Level II ultrasound. (Of course, she’s still quite a mystery to me.)

    I usually don’t have scary pregnancy dreams, and really the “not-flying” dream could be about so many things going on that aren’t under my control. Another anxiety-type dream I often have is being in a play and NOT knowing my lines — I would think you’ve had that one! 🙂

    Good luck, and can’t wait to hear!

    • That was my only scary pregnancy dream and likely triggered by a conversation with one of my husband’s coworker’s wives. She’s due in December but has already been in the hospital twice with early labor.

      I don’t really have a guess on gender. This pregnancy doesn’t feel much different than my last, which could mean boy. Other than jokingly I don’t like to do too much speculation lest I risk any feeling of disappointment if I’m wrong.

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