Bad Mommy Moment

I just flipped the hell out on my children.

I am so tired of the bedtime shenanigans and misbehavior. I have tried everything — short of moving them back into their own rooms — to get them to settle down and listen to me at bedtime, and to go to sleep.

I have left night lights on so they don’t have nightmares.

We have a routine, and we follow it.

I have withheld night time treats and night time shows.

I have pleaded and cajoled.

I have separated them.

Tonight. I.just.flipped.

Screamed and banged the wall. Yelled until I was hoarse and they were both crying.

And I did not give them hugs.

It ended with Kate calling me a mean mommy and saying she didn’t like me.

And me saying, Yeah I am, and I don’t like you either.

They may be sleeping now. I don’t even know.

This has not been my proudest mommy moment. It’s not even been a good adult moment. And I don’t know how we’re going to move on from this. How long is kids’ memories?

I’ll bet, probably, not as long as mine.

16 thoughts on “Bad Mommy Moment

  1. that was me last night. They were tired. Over tired even. Yet just kept playing. It is OH SO FRUSTRATING.

    Tonight was better. A little. Hoping its just a phase.

    • If it is a phase, it’s been going on a long time. Not to discourage you, though. It doesn’t help that I’m SO TIRED at night and hormonal and pregnant.

      We’ve hugged and made up, and I’m hoping tonight will be better, too.

  2. Don’t dwell on it too much. My sister and I shared a bed, growing up, and we fought like cats and dogs. My mom had to come in and break us up almost every single night; I have more than one memory of falling asleep standing in the corner because my Mom didn’t allow me to go back to bed. She flipped her lid more than once at both of us. And we still love her 🙂

  3. Don’t beat yourself up. I am of the opinion that kids need to learn that there is a point past which you simply don’t push people – that even Mommy and Daddy have limits. Sometimes getting that point across requires totally flipping out on them. I’ve done it, too. I don’t enjoy the experience either but it sure does make my 5 year old sit up and listen.

    Hang in there – I’m sure being pregnant doesn’t help either.

    • We have gotten to the point with them that we are trying to explain that mommy and daddy have needs too. And limits. I was totally pushed past my own last night.

      And no, being pregnant is not helping. I’ve had a terribly short temper this pregnancy, and having two kids pushing the envelope isn’t helping anyone.

  4. Sometimes you need a show of force, to remind the kids who is boss. I’m sure I don’t need to tell YOU that kids will push their limits. Overall, it’s good that they know there’s a breaking point. With luck, you shouldn’t need to play that hand again in the near future.

    Please don’t beat yourself up.

    • I’m not beating myself up TOO much. But I really felt bad. We’re all friends (well, mommy and kids, anyway) again today. And we have a refer point now. Like, “remember when Mommy really screamed her head off? No one wants to see that again. Pick up your toys.”

  5. I agree and dont think you should feel guilty. Quite simply if they dont want you to be a mean mommy & flip out they need to meet you half way and go to bed with no BS. I remember my mom freaking on me & my sister for the same reason…among a gazillion others…and I feel that she was justified 99.9% of the time looking back. If we didnt want Mom to trip out we needed to quit doing things that caused that…a lesson we did eventually learn…after many many mom freak outs 😉

    • I’m sure it won’t be my last freak out, but I hope it’ll be awhile until the next one! Looking back myself, I can recall a couple of freak outs and I still love my parents very much!

  6. I just wanted to add one more thing – I think kids love the people who set limits for them more than those that don’t. I know that I, as a child, had trouble when I was with one set of grandparents that never set limits (and I was the kid that always wanted you to prove the limits were the same) yet I loved spending time with my other grandparents that didn’t take any guff. I always knew where I stood, where the line was, and what was and was not appropriate. Therefore, I could have fun within those boundaries.

    Kate and Flora also know that they have a brother coming and while they are excited for it, they are also unsure of what exactly will be changing. It’s a big adjustment and they’re asking you to prove that you still love them despite the addition of a brother. I’m sure you went through it when your second was born.

    I hope bedtime last night was easier!

  7. oh last month was RIFE with Bad Mommy Moments. I was cranky and pregnant and exhausted. Maggie was on a rampage of terror because she was sick (WHOOPS.) with a sinus infection caused by allergies which we didn’t know about for a few weeks (WHOOPS.) So not only were there nights of screaming and crying and frustration, the poor kid was sick and we were basically not seeing it. WE ARE AWESOME.

    Hope things get better *hugs*

  8. RPM, I have totally been there, including the banging (on the floor) and screaming until we (Aidan and I ) were both crying. Only it happened in the morning before school when I had asked him for the hundreth time to GET DRESSED. This was following working second shift and waking up with him every morning to get him ready for school. I chalk it up to exhaustion, and simply not knowing what the hell else to do at that moment. I am glad you made up the next morning. And it is good for the girls to know that everyone has limits. Hang in there! Miss you much!

  9. I would bet every mom has had a moment like this. I know I have. I like to think it’s the aggregate of our mothering behavior that the kiddos remember, not each individual instance. Or if they do remember this, they’ll laugh about it and make fun of you for it (like my husband’s siblings do about the time his non-cursing other decided to curse a blue streak). =>

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