Better

The girls and I have kissed and hugged and made up.

We’ve forgiven each other. I hope we’ve all learned from last night. I hope some good comes of it. Kate even apologized for calling me mean. I told her I forgave her, and I hoped she would forgive me for yelling so much and not giving hugs.

The real “test” I suppose will be bedtime. Dear Lord, help us all.

Bad Mommy Moment

I just flipped the hell out on my children.

I am so tired of the bedtime shenanigans and misbehavior. I have tried everything β€” short of moving them back into their own rooms β€” to get them to settle down and listen to me at bedtime, and to go to sleep.

I have left night lights on so they don’t have nightmares.

We have a routine, and we follow it.

I have withheld night time treats and night time shows.

I have pleaded and cajoled.

I have separated them.

Tonight. I.just.flipped.

Screamed and banged the wall. Yelled until I was hoarse and they were both crying.

And I did not give them hugs.

It ended with Kate calling me a mean mommy and saying she didn’t like me.

And me saying, Yeah I am, and I don’t like you either.

They may be sleeping now. I don’t even know.

This has not been my proudest mommy moment. It’s not even been a good adult moment. And I don’t know how we’re going to move on from this. How long is kids’ memories?

I’ll bet, probably, not as long as mine.