File Under: Things I Will Undoubtedly Regret Writing About But Am Writing About Anyway

Dear Body o’ Mine, you have a choice to make.

Option 1: Get so sick that I cannot get out of my bed. Run a fever, make me vomit, give me a splitting headache so that the tiniest sliver of light or slightest sound from my children causes agony. Whatever you choose. If you’re going to get sick, then get sick already.

Option 2: Stop feeling like crap warmed over.

Yes, you are run down. You aren’t getting quite as much sleep as you need; I understand. I’m feeding you pretty well, though, so there’s that.

Yes, you sprained your back a couple of months ago. That’s why we go see the chiropractor once a week, and do those ridiculous exercises (almost) daily.

Yes, this back sprain has probably contributed to your neck pain and tension headaches. Another contributing factor to your neck pain and tension headaches is your stress level. I am working at dialing that down, I really am. Unfortunately some things are out of my control. Can we move on, please?

You’re cranky, and achy, and I know you don’t want me to do any more cleaning or laundry this week. That’s too bad. Ain’t no one else going to do that stuff. You’re on the hook. Get over it.

Body, please keep in mind the following things:

1. Dan is going out of town this weekend.
2. You will get no assistance from next door. The MIL has way too much on her plate already, plus she can’t be transporting germs over there.
3. You have a much-anticipated field trip with your older daughter tomorrow morning.
4. Additionally, you have grocery shopping to do, Nephew’s birthday party Saturday, and a child’s Halloween party Sunday.

So make up your mind, body. I’m tired of feeling this way. I’ve got stuff to do. Either succumb or throw it off.

Love,
The Rest of Me

(Dad, if I call this weekend, you may not want to answer the phone. Unless you and Mom are up for another trip to the ‘burgh. You’ve been warned.)