The Spoken Word

Things I wish I had never said within my children’s earshot:

1. “Fine!”

Remember the show “Moonlighting”? Back when Bruce Willis had some hair and was actually funny? Remember how he and Cybil Shepherd, when they were arguing, would end the argument by saying, “Fine!” and then storm off?

That’s “Fine!” in my house.

Fine in my household does not mean, “Yes, dear, that is perfectly all right with me.” Or, “Yes, of course, Monkey, I will get that for you right away.” It has more bite to it. It means things such as, “Okay, great, you go right ahead and do that, don’t say I didn’t warn you” and “All right, already, get off my back!” So when my children say, “Fine!” to me — with the exact same intonation that I use with them and with DearDR, it drives me bugshit. But it’s my fault. We have to find another word for “fine” in the true sense.

2. “You’re pushing it.” This, too, is my fault. And you know what, she is! Anyway, this is Monkey’s defense of choice when I’m asking her to do something she doesn’t want to do, and I get upset. “You’re pushing it.” And like the mature adult I am, I retort, “No, you’re pushing it.”

3. I don’t recall teaching her, “I’ve told you a million times.” That may come from DearDR or maybe school. But that’s what she was saying Wednesday night as she was finally putting on her pajamas: “I’ve told you a million times. You’re pushing it.”

Why is it on Lost night, it seems to take forever for the kids to go to bed?

Two Monkey conversations

While holding her shamrock made at preschool: “Myself, this will guard my gold so the leprechaun doesn’t get it.” To me: “I’m talking to Myself.” I see.

On the way to preschool with DearDR:
Monkey: “The world is so big. I want to go up in a rocket and see the whole thing.”
DDR: “Well, if you study, honey, you can do that.”
M: “I want to take you with me.”