When Does the Madness End?

Monkey has clearly become bored with all of the children’s DVDs we own. She’s been dithering over her nightly decision of what to watch before bed. The other day, she said, “I want to watch a DVD that we got from the library.”

We hadn’t been to the library in two weeks.

“We don’t have any videos from the library, Monkey. We’ll go this weekend.”

Saturday morning found her, at 7:40 a.m., about two inches away from my face. I usually get up before my children, even on the weekends, because I like to shower. But the night before I hadn’t gone to bed until about 2 a.m. because we were bottling homemade wine (a post for another day).

“Mom,” she whispered — I think she was whispering, all I know is she startled the crap out of me — “it’s time to get up and put on clothes. Can we go to the library now?”

It’s been a long time since I have ventured forth from my house without taking a shower — something I take a bit of pride in. But Saturday was a definite low for me. When I finally got superficially pulled together, and wrangled the kids into the car, it was about 10:30 a.m.

I was running on five hours of sleep, a bowl of oatmeal, and three cups of coffee. I hadn’t put in my contact lenses, and I was still wearing my pajama top under a hoodie. At least I had put jeans on and wasn’t running around in my (very festive) flannel pajama bottoms. Oh, and I brushed my teeth. But between the mood swings I was undergoing (hormones + lack of sleep = more fun than usual) and my lank hair, I was pretty scary.

But I figured I was just going to the Big Bird and the library. At the Big Bird I was only getting two things I needed for a recipe (dip I was taking to a party later that day). And, you know, the library often is populated by unshowered moms and their kids. Or mine is at any rate.

They were having a party at the library. Cookies and punch, a gingerbread house display, kids crafts, a friggin’ trio of violins playing Christmas carols (high school kids, but still). I would have been mortified to run into someone I actually knew.

Monkey decided on four books (and ended up with five, I think) and two DVDs (ended up with three). I just wanted to bolt, but my girls were fascinated by the musicians (which is being generous) — until they noticed the cookies, at any rate. Bun managed to eat two in about 20 minutes. The DVDs: Scooby-Doo, a Strawberry Shortcake Very Berry Christmas, and some Wiggles.

Aside from the Scooby Doo, which she won’t even watch because she’s so scared of it, the other two make me wish heartily for sharp pointy things to drive into my ears. And in two days, she has viewed the Strawberry Shortcake at least four times (DearDR is primarily responsible for that) and the Wiggles DVD three times.

As a matter of fact she asked about every second of the Steelers game Sunday to “watch the Wiggles now please”. Sometimes, “please now”. By the second half she was only asking every other second, and DearDR finally snapped, “If you don’t get that DVD out of my face, I am going to throw it outside.”

To which Monkey tearfully replied, “Please, daddy, don’t throw it outside. I don’t want the chipmunks to eat it.”

And I hastily retired to the kitchen to giggle madly.