Crying Over You

At 11 p.m. Tuesday night, I burst into tears.

They were declaring the race for Senator Barak Obama, and I was so many emotions, I cried.

I was happy. I felt that the good guys had won. Which isn’t to reduce politics to “good guys” and “bad guys”, and especially isn’t to cast Senator John McCain as a bad guy. His concession speech was perhaps the classiest thing I had ever heard from a politician. It’s just… my guy, the guy I was rooting for this time, this time won.

I was relieved. Two years of campaigning were over. And especially the ugliness that had defined this run since the summer. OVER.

I was hopeful. I have been very impressed with Obama. I AM hopeful. Things are not going to change overnight, and not every change will be made. On that note, could Obama be a little less serious for a little bit? Dude (and I use that term with the highest respect): You Won. I know that being too celebratory would look like gloating, and you don’t want to gloat — you shouldn’t gloat. But loosen the tie. Swing your wife or one of your kids through the air.

Okay, well, he is going to buy a puppy.

This post isn’t really about politics, or the sea change Obama can (I hope will) bring to Washington DC.

It’s about those tears.

Lately, I would estimate since about May, I have been a mess. The slightest thing will make me start to cry. Alternatively, I lose my temper. Or, maybe, I just get really anxious and turn into a stuttering wreck trying to answer a simple question.

It’s not pretty, people.

I think — I think — I used to be a little more even keeled. I was never that much of a crier. Or too much of a yeller. On the other hand, I have always been anxious, to the point of therapy. But anxiety tends to freeze me up rather than make me overly emotional.

But not lately. I’m snappish, I get furious very quickly (I can also cool myself down fairly quickly, for the record), I’m irritable.

And dear Lord, the tears.

The other night, Monkey asked me to sing “Puff the Magic Dragon”. DearDR had printed out the lyrics just for the occasion. Innocently enough, I began.

“Puff the Magic Dragon” is NOT A HAPPY SONG. Okay? It’s a song about the loss of innocence. And somewhere around “Dragons live forever, but not so little boys” I started leaking. And I couldn’t even start the next verse.

Monkey found it a little upsetting. To say the least.

Even a passing thought of Gabriel can make me teary. And he has been on my mind a lot lately. At Halloween, I was thinking that he would probably have been Indiana Jones this year, or maybe a cowboy.

Pass me a Kleenex. *sniff* *blow* Okay.

So, yeah, I wasn’t really surprised to be crying Tuesday night. Or even a little bit Wednesday listening to the news.

I don’t know if it’s hormones. It seems to be worst around ovulation and close to my period. But that’s when it’s WORST. It’s still pretty bad the rest of the time. I feel super-sensitive ALL THE TIME lately.

Sorry about all the caps.

I don’t know if this will ebb. Or when it will ebb. I don’t know if I should get back to therapy. (Yes, the irony is not lost on me.) I shy away from medication, because, you know, it’s just emotions. I’m coping, I’m not incapacitated by my emotionality.

It’s just the feeling that it’s not in control. That’s the worst part right now.

That and crying during “Puff the Magic Dragon”! For goodness sake.

6 thoughts on “Crying Over You

  1. Well, if it makes you feel better I burst into tears during both McCain’s and Obama’s speeches! Truly, it was a remarkable day and I hope the start to a remarkable journey for all Americans.

    I, too, cry at all sorts of stuff. I’m sure some of it’s hormonal, some of it is being a mother in all of its good, bad and ugly variations, and sometimes I think it’s just because I’m tired much of the time due to LIFE and I react more emotionally when I’m tired and can’t stop the tears once they start.

    But — remember, it means you’re feeling. And that is a beautiful thing — and this is coming from someone who cried during a McCormick’s Thanksgiving spice commercial. Oh, that music gets me every time!

  2. Sista, I was right there with you! It was amazing to feel so much excitement, to feel it physically stirring in my gut. But a good feeling, like butterflies before walking out on stage. I just wanted to shout “YES WE CAN!” Right along with them! And I agree, he definitely needs to SMILE more…it’s such a beautiful thing to see!

    John McCain’s speech was just perfect; sincere, respectful. It’s like he was his true self for the first time in months.

    And as for the tears…and emotions…can I tell you how often I scream when no one is there, because it is the only time I can scream? And I become instantly INFURIATED at the smallest things, and usually blame my husband? My tears come from so many places…thoughts of my mom, worry and frustration with my son and daughter, so many things to do, things to clean, mice to catch, and NEVER, NEVER, enough time…

    Personally, I think it all comes from being stretched too thin, having too much to do, not enough help, and never feeling like you get anywhere (the hamster wheel comes to mind).

    One of my mom’s favorite lines was “Stop the world, I want to get off!”
    Wouldn’t it be nice, for a day or so, and then like Superman you could jump back on exactly when you left, and no one would ever know you were gone…

  3. Oh hell, have a cry. Maybe you’re just making up for lost time. Perhaps it’s stuff you should have been crying about all those times when you were busy keeping a stiff upper lip.

    It’s true that the waterworks aren’t always convenient, but don’t you actually sort of feel better when you’re done? And(this is very DR-esque)let’s ponder a minute on that expression.

    Might it be the case that all this crying we go through sometimes helps us do a better job of feeling stuff in addtion to helping us to get over whatever major or minor thing set us off in the first place?

    That’s what I made up.

    Maybe we should have a website:
    Everyone could just sort of deposit their tears in it. Then we you found yourself crying over Puff, you could commiserate with everyone else who’d recently done the same. See, virtual therapy right there!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s