Dear DearDR (#2):
Thank you for being brave yesterday.
Thank you for taking Bun to her 15-month check up. I know, logistically speaking, it wasn’t the easiest thing for you to do.
But more importantly, I know emotionally it wasn’t easy for you, either. I know that you feel that you don’t know enough about our children to answer some of the questions the pediatrician asks. But you only called once, to ask about Bun’s calcium and protein intake, so I think you must have done all right.
The biggest surprise for me was that you had Bun get the MMR vaccination.
I could not have been more surprised to see a Band-aid on Bun’s arm when I picked her up from daycare yesterday.
“What this?” I asked.
Day Care Lady said, “She had a shot.”
“Oh,” I replied. “Do you know which one?”
“The MMR.”
I thought for sure she was mistaken. “No,” I said, “it must have been another.”
“Oh, no,” DCL insisted. “I remember because my son had a bad reaction to that one, and I was watching her very closely. I was supposed to call you if she had any side effects.”
In the meantime, Bun was laughing in my arms, pointing at the dogs in the neighbors’ yards, saying, “Hi-ya” and “Da!” — her current word for “dog”. She was smiling and waving “bye-bye” to DCL. When I “woofed” into her cheek to tell her that’s what doggies said, she belly laughed. Actually, she was more pleasant yesterday than she has been for quite awhile.
I still couldn’t believe she had gotten the MMR. Vaccinations, in general, have been a bone of contention for us since Monkey was born. At first, you were 100 percent set against them. You finally agreed to have our children vaccinated after we both did some research, talked with our pediatricians, and I agreed that Monkey (and future children) would get one shot at a time. I did agree that the vaccination schedule was too aggressive, so while the “one-shot” rule meant more visits for me, I (pretty much) held to that schedule, with both our daughters.
I know that the MMR scared you. You work with a challenged population of children, and vaccinations are highly suspect among the parents of those children. Monkey still has not had her MMR. (We have to get on that if we’re starting her in school this fall.) I had agreed to wait for Bun, too.
But you decided to go ahead. You said you and the doctor had a long talk about it, and about Bun’s language development (you feel it’s not coming along well enough). You wouldn’t go into details (which makes me incredibly curious, by the way). You asked me to do some things to help Bun learn to verbally communicate, and I am more than willing.
You said, “I was making a decision based on my fear, and I can’t do that.”
Thank you, for not doing that. I know that living without fear has been a goal of yours for years now. Living without your fear has gotten you your Ph.D., your psychology license — and, probably, is a factor in our getting married. It certainly is a major factor in us being able to go forward after our loss of Gabriel, to have two bright, beautiful girls.
I’m glad you could put aside your fear in the doctor’s office yesterday. I think vaccinations are the right thing to do. I’m glad Bun got her MMR. And I will work with her to help her to speak more. I definitely need her to start communicating better!
Anyway, DearDR, it means a lot to me that Bun received her MMR. I know this subject is not laid to rest between us. The conversation will continue, and that means a lot to me, too.
Love, your wife,
rpm
